


Technical Difficulties

by Fedora Of Adorableness (TheTimelessChild0)



Category: White Collar
Genre: Covid-19 pandemic, Crack, Embarrassment, Fluff and Humor, Neal is bad at computers, Nudity, Quarantine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-27 16:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/Fedora%20Of%20Adorableness
Summary: The new normal is extra new for the guy who wasn't entirely normal in the first place.
Kudos: 5





	1. Potty Breaks

The White Collar office on the 21st floor had been deserted as a result of the pandemic sweeping the nations of the world. Thanks to the invention of PPE, some select field agents were allowed to draw up their diagrams from home, but return to their municipal utility vans and crime scenes whilst maintaining a safe social distance. That did not apply to Caffrey, however. As a Junior Agent, the regulations protecting the Bureau if someone got corona thanks to one of their operatives did not count. He was seen as a trainee, whose expertise had merely allowed him to skip the probationary period. As brilliant as he was, his systemic screw up was their headache.

So, as with the members of his team who each had a role in sharpening his wits, Neal was relegated as a “non-essential” part of the squad...to his luxurious penthouse, complete with studio lighting, a cutting-edge laptop and an updated version of the most standard video-conferencing software on the market; Zoom.

It went seamlessly at first. Once he got the whole caseload delivered to his door, it was not as if he missed the stale grey and white neo-classical architecture. Ok, maybe a little bit. But the balcony was an adequate enough replacement. The best thing about it all was the privacy. He could drink on the job, he didn’t have to worry about Moz putting things in his fridge while he was away, and if he needed to use the restroom; it was his alone to enjoy.

He did somewhat wish the creator of the program had thought to add a bathroom icon next to the raised hand, though...

“You know what, just give me one second, I’ll be right back” he was forced to excuse himself, as he was firmly nudged out of his chair by the call of nature.

“Sure,” Peter replied automatically, giving everyone a side eye as the man had obviously forgotten to turn off his camera, and more importantly his _microphone!_

“He going to the bathroom or what?” Jones caught up with the absurdity of the situation.

“Yes, yes I do believe he is,” Diana added, at the sound of a belt being unbuckled.

It quickly became clear to the group that the laptop was placed on the edge of the table, as the corner of the screen depicted a certain con man’s back. This was the day they discovered that Neal peed with the door wide open...

Jones and Diana were quick to distract with work talk while Caffrey finished his _personal_ business. When he returned, they had to try their hardest not to laugh at his lack of awareness.

“Sorry about that, where were we?” Neal humbly requested a recap. Peter obliged.

“It’s fine. For future reference, two pieces of advice; firstly, that microphone icon doesn’t turn off automatically...and maybe keep a closer eye on your camera angles- should you decide to leave that on as well,” the Special Agent in Charge broke the news.

It dawned on him, as he turned around, scrutinising his background.

“Well, I’ll certainly take that into consideration,” he promised, face very red but laughing all the same. “So, what else did I miss?”

“Not the toilet bowl, as far as I could make out,” Peter supplied helpfully.

The conversation resumed when everyone had stopped pissing themselves with laughter. The first part not including Caffrey.


	2. Sleeping In

The extra free time was a blessing, when it came to Neal and Sara’s relationship. It might be too soon to call it that, but the long distance nature of the arrangement was no longer the fault of either of their jobs, nor as much of an issue. He had a nice morning chat set up in his calendar, only he forgot to set the alarm. His laptop had been left on and connected to the outlet overnight, and woke him by means of ringing. The scruffy sleep deprived gentleman dashed out of bed and turned on his camera.

“Sorry, Sara. Used to sleeping in these last couple of months,” he explained awkwardly, rubbing some of the messier curls out of his head.

“Yeah, hot summer. Skipped the pyjamas?” Ellis remarked offhandedly.

“What gave you that idea?” Neal blinked drowsily, deflecting from the truth in his classic cocky fashion.

“Neal. I have eyes,” she gave a pointed glance downward. He followed it to his lower torso and was confronted by his genitals. Suffice it to say, this was not intentional.

“I’m...I’m just gonna go grab a robe, one sec!” Caffrey shot into the hallway, throwing on the fabric and strapping it to his bare skin.

  
“Sorry. Not very knight in shining armor, is it?”

“Well, you _do_ have a _very_ impressive chest-plate, Don Quixote,” she smirked in admiration.

  
“Nothing's so bad it's not good for something,” Neal agreed easily, winking at his amie-amant.  _ Friends who have fun,  _ indeed.


	3. Hemorrhoids

It was his turn to show a presentation, nothing new there. Neal clicked on the right button to share his screen with the group and gave himself a heart attack. That was  _ decidedly _ not what he'd intended to present to his coworkers.

“Whoops! That’s....that’s not a case file!” he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I should hope not,” Jones quipped.

Of all the things to leave open in the main browser window...WebMD.

It was a perfectly innocuous concern; given how sedentary his daily life had become, even more so than before- if he really did have hemorrhoids, he would need to address that quickly. Preferably before Peter started asking him about it.


	4. Filters

"Neal?"

"What?"

"No hats,"

"But"

" _Take it off_ ,"

_*click*_

**Author's Note:**

> I made a discord! [Check it out](https://discord.gg/GzuzyEtF)


End file.
